I’m Learning

I’m learning, being unemployed, that I’m not missing much of my kid’s lives while I’m working. They’re school age now. They’re also distancing themselves from me in the evenings. They’re growing up.

I’m learning I’ve been seeking support and acceptance from someone and not getting it. I found it somewhere else.

I’ve appeared very weak lately. I’m embarrassed to admit. I’ve scared people off and pushed others away. I’d ask them to return but I don’t think I need them anyway. If it’s not a two-way street, it’s a dead end.

People want me to go to AA and quit drinking. I know that alcoholics have to want to quit and will do it on their own terms when they do.

I’m learning I don’t want to quit. I want to prove myself strong enough to manage it and control myself and my feelings.

I’m learning I’m good enough for the boys. They’re fed, housed, healthy and happy. I’m doing something right.

I’m learning I want to get better, be happier and pay it forward. I’d like to think I’m doing a small part by writing about my experience. Maybe I can help others.

I’m learning things will be ok and life is good.

4 thoughts on “I’m Learning

  1. i feel the same way about my drinking, actually feel the same way about a lot you’ve written. I don’t necessarily feel there’s anything wrong with drinking. long as it’s not changing you and how you handle things and as long as it’s not hurting anyone. people may disagree but that’s how I feel. I will quit when I’m ready

    Like

      1. I think it depends on the severity of the drinking. I would never push anyone trying to quit, to drink.. we all know our demons so only we know what needs to happen. I truly hope you continue to write!

        Liked by 1 person

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