Hello readers! It’s Friday and I haven’t had a drink in over a week. I’m still questioning who I’m doing this for. I realize I was drinking too much and I’m being reminded of how good it feels to wake up without a hangover. I realize I have been drinking out of boredom, calm me and mask my depression. I realize alcohol, a depressant, can’t possibly be making the latter better. I plan on visiting Nashville next week to see friends. I haven’t been back since I’ve moved away. I’d really like to see these people. I’d really like to not drink. Or drink, moderately, and not feel guilty.
I had a good night tonight. I met a friend for ice cream instead of drinks. We chatted for hours about our current life and then began speaking of our past. We were just being girls, even looking up old boyfriends on Facebook.
I feel I spend a lot of time thinking about the past and I dwell on past experiences and regrets. But tonight it was nice to reflect on our friendship and think of how far we’ve come and how much we’ve shared. I’m lucky to have friendships that have survived this long.
It was also good to see the ex-boyfriends and be reminded of unanswered prayers. It’s funny to think of how we thought we wanted a relationship years ago to pan out and then reflecting on how it didn’t come close.
Driving home after a sober Friday night out for the first time in I don’t know when I realize I’m ready for calm and peace. I’ve made a lot of changes the last few years. I’ve been divorced for 4 years now. I’ve been in and out of jobs looking for something I have yet to feel good about doing. I’ve moved back to Kentucky after 15 years in Tennessee to be closer to family who I hoped would help me with the boys. Maybe I’m a destination addict. Happiness is in the next job, the next house, the next state, the next relationship. I’m wanting to prove myself wrong. I’m starting to see the good that came from the move. But I’m tired of all the change. I’m ready for things to settle for a while. I’m looking forward to warmer weather and weekends by the pool with the boys. I see days spent at the pool and then coming back to grill dinner, the boys falling asleep early from exhaustion, me chatting with friends for hours on the deck. I see a camping trip or two in the future. I see happiness. I just need to create a fire pit now. That’s all I’m lacking:)
I’m in a good place. I’m also needing to find something else to blog about. I’m really feeling selfish. I really need a new hobby or a new topic to blog about. I’m not good with makeup or relationships so I can’t offer advice. I lack style and prefer to eat than work out. I’d blog about my disabled son but I’m tired of living in the past. I want to live in the present. And presently, I’m very happy with myself. I’m very happy where I am. I’m glad I’ve taken this sabbatical from my job. I’m glad I began counseling again and have great friends. Life really is good!