I’m Making It

 

To all my haters out there, I’m doing just fine, thank you. Actually, I’m doing really well. Actually, I don’t have haters that I know of. I’m kind of ghetto but not a bitch. I’m pretty sure no one is jealous of me. Other than me not being married. If I were married I’d be envious of me too. But I digress.

I’m updating you all on the meds and my attitude. Doing good! My anxiety is so low I’m fearlessly walking into these interviews like a boss. (There’s the ghetto side of me again.) I interviewed with 2 places Thursday and had a second interview with one of them on Friday and guess what??? I haven’t heard shit. Nothing. Of course, I could call, but one job I wasn’t really excited about and the other one I did email. One other guy lives in CA and I don’t have his number. I have emailed and thanked the first interviewer, but it’s not her decision to make at this point. I’m just waiting it out.

I do have an interview at 3 today and another at 9 tomorrow. The boys are on spring break the next 2 weeks. Getting my butt up to get there on time should be interesting. I offered up the time not thinking. I’m feeling a little guilty taking them to daycare during their spring break but it’s not sunny out, rain is predicted all week and they have friends and more room to run around there. (I am a good mom, I think to myself.)

But I wanted to let you all know that I’m trying to lose weight and I’ve decided to blog about it to hold myself accountable. So yesterday, I paid for the use of a Weight Watchers app and have began eating based on a point system to reach my goal weight. I weighed 152 lbs. This is personal information that I love sharing with you all anyway. 152 isn’t bad but I’m 5’3 3/4. I’ve got clothing I can no longer fit into. I’m really wanting to look good in a bathing suit. Or decent, rather. I don’t carry these extra pounds well on my frame. However, my therapist yesterday guessed I weighed 120…God bless her. She also released me from seeing her again for a while since I’m medicated and happy now.

But I’m digressing again. I’m going to eat empty fruits and vegetables to the point of nausea and lick the salad dressing from the measuring spoon. I turned down beer last night. I didn’t want to have to sacrifice real food later this week for a few beers.

Speaking of drinking, I drank Friday night. I was bored, the weather was nice, I wanted to sit outside while the boys played and drink. I also had a friend stop by. I drank but stopped. No hangover Saturday! In fact Saturday was actually a date night. I had a few drinks while out but then stopped. We actually ended the date with pie and ice cream…I wonder why I’m not thinner. We came back to my house and drank the few beers left over from Friday night. I went to sleep relaxed, not drunk and passing out. And I didn’t have a hangover Sunday either. I didn’t feel depressed or angry with myself. I controlled my emotions and thoughts. Truth be told, I also was a little fearful of the effects of alcohol on the controlled drug I’m on.

I’ve painted my living room and dining room. I’m not napping. Not sleeping well, aside from last night, however. I’m cutting out coffee after noon. I’m sure it’s the stress of now working and spending my savings. I’m trying to cut out naps but I did “fall back asleep” this morning on the couch after waking and getting the boys ready.

So my goal now is to continue being happy, steadying my blood sugar (I’m hypoglycemic), working out and eating healthier to get back into my clothes. I’m not sure if I’ll have to be 130 or 125 or just 135 but I want to see what I’m capable of doing. I want to prove to myself that I can lose weight, however hard I think it’s going to be, and like my body again. I’m so hesitant to diet because my self-discipline sucks ass and my love for sweets is debilitating, I swear. I’ve even bought Easter candy and have it laying out around the house. Did you know a Tootsie Roll Midgee is 1 point? I only get 23 for one day. Geez. It’s all about moderation and self-control. I’m replacing my harmful thoughts of myself with good ones. It’s all seem easy and obvious and it’s what I’ve told others to do in the past but it’s different when it’s yourself that needs convincing. It’s different after you’ve been through some hurtful and frightening things.

But I hope someone may be reading this and discovering that I’ve made myself happy again. And you can too. We’re all deserving of it and life is precious. I’m going to keep making the necessary changes to stay feeling this good. Like I may go skinny-dipping when the weather warms up for shits and giggles. Lol:) I just might, you will never know!

I’m also wanting to lose weight as I’ve gained at least 5 lbs. since I quit my job. Whoops. Now, off to get ready for my interview.

Love you all!

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