The Sober Diaries

So I made it through a Friday night. I’m thinking back to what we did and I can’t even remember off the top of my head. My memory still sucks without alcohol. Friday, oh, yes. I didn’t sit on the front porch and watch the boys play. That was a little too hard. Sitting out there without beer was too much, I stayed inside and fixed dinner to stay busy. We sat down to an easy spaghetti dinner and the boys were asked to play outside again. I let them play outside before continuing our “Friday Family Fun Night” which is usually all of us on the couch for a movie. We got in a third of Matilda before it was 9:30 and I ordered us to bed since Jake had a soccer game Saturday morning.

I woke up completely sober Saturday for the game. My allergies in this Ohio River Valley have left me waking up kind of crappy though. But, alas, no guilt, no shame.

Saturday night…we went to Thunder Over Louisville. It’s an air show and then a fireworks show. Where we were you could bring drinks, buy drinks. Having the kids there helped me now want to drink and drive. However, having the kids there also made me wish I could drink. Two kids in a crowd…grr. I thought and texted a friend at one point that I picked the wrong weekend to give up drinking. He said it’s one of those things that will never be right. I challenged myself to get through this. I thought about how much money I was saving. I was with my aunt, cousin and younger brother and they weren’t drinking so that encouraged me. I was with my children. They didn’t need to see that or be apart of that. It was a damn good reason not to buy a beer. Because if I had bought one…

On the walk back to the car I was thankful I could think clearly and I wasn’t embarrassing myself like some drunks I was passing. Driving home, exhausted, proved difficult. I left the festival at 10:15. I sat on the Third Street in Louisville for over an hour as the police decided how to direct traffic. It was awful. But the boys were fast asleep. Soon I began feeling sleepy. Traffic started moving and I still had 30 minutes to our house. I found my eyes getting heavy. I had the boys in the car. I began feeling nervous and scared. I thought about the times I’ve driven drunk. I’ve NEVER done that with the kids in the car but I have done it alone. It was scary. It was comparable to driving drunk. I made it home safely, put the boys to bed and crashed myself.

I woke up this morning not feeling my best because of the allergies. But I woke up. I’m sober and once again, guilt-free, shame-free. I just let out a sigh of relief.

Today, I have a 4 mile walk planned with my Meetup buddies. I plan to spend more time outdoors with the boys. I need to work on my yard but I may postpone that because I don’t want to spend the money.

Tomorrow, two interviews and hopefully the longest background in history comes back. I’m still torn on the jobs. I think the background check taking this long is a sign I am to consider the second interview job. Not only is it more money, closer to home, it’s in the small town next to me which may help us in the community long term as we grow in this small town. I’m torn. The position wouldn’t be great. It’s what I’ve done for years. The other job would be slightly new and less “assistant-like”. I’m just going to continue to pray on it. Enjoy your Sunday, folks! Life is good!

 

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