Hello, all! I’d like to let you all know that I’m still sober! I still haven’t drank and haven’t really wanted to. I really did make the decision for myself last week to do this indefinitely and for the improvement of my own life. And I like a challenge.
But yesterday was good. I worked out, had an interview and dum, dum, dum, accepted a job offer. Ok, I did think about having a drink to celebrate but settled with a Twix instead. Oh, it was so good!
After nearly two months and multiple interviews, offers, and the difficult decision to walk away from better paying positions, I feel I have made the best decision for myself and the boys. I’ve taken a position making less money, with less responsibility and, hopefully, less stress. It’s twenty minutes down the road and offers great benefits. I chose it because I’ll be working 8 to 4:30. I’ll still be able to put the boys on the bus and get them to the park in time for 6:00 soccer games. I’m down the road from the boys in case of the “Your son is running a fever” call. Which, let’s be honest, it will happen. The company offers better advancement opportunities for when I’m ready to consume myself with something more than being a full-time mom and administrative position. I also get to start Monday with benefits. My anxiety and depression drugs have been costing me over $400 the last four months. Not to mention the $65 psychiatrist appointments (2x) and therapist appointment, $120. The boys have been covered, thankfully. My savings are, needless to say, gone.
My sabbatical has also left me thinking, a lot, about all aspects of my life. Firstly, my health. No, not my boys. For the same reason you put the oxygen mask on yourself before helping your children on a faulty plane, I need to put myself first. And I’m talking about mental health, not just physical. I’m thankfully in decent physical health.
I have anxiety and depression. Both are correlated to my lifestyle and are chemical imbalances. My last job caused me great anxiety. My former boss left me dreading work so badly I was physically sick every weeknight and morning. Vomit-inducing anxiety. It was after a Sunday breakdown that enveloped me in a terrible depression and when I first thought about how alcohol was affecting me, that my boss sent me 13 emails after hours with the expectation of me replying to them all. Even starting the next day at 5:01 am. That’s the straw that broke this camel’s back.
Secondly, there’s financial. I’ve depleted my savings. So, what will I do now? Build it back up! What does that mean? Budgeting.
The same goes with food.. I need to eat healthy. I need to feed two hungry boys. I’m going to continue to cook at home and try new recipes but I’m limiting the money I spend. I realized I’m only five years away from the age my father was at his first heart attack. I need to be taking better care of myself. After all, I’ve been having chest pains for the last 4 years. I’m making a doctor’s appointment as soon as I get insurance.
And my boyfriend is giving me a second chance. We get another chance to re-calibrate and make each other happy.
I’m continuing my Meetup walks and helping a woman train for a hike at Bryce Canyon and Zion National Parks. Who knows, maybe I’ll use this as training for something.
I just Googled how to use coconut oil and tea tree oil to make a face wash for my pimply thirty-something year old skin. I actually the ingredients. This crap’s a pretty good moisturizer. I smell like I could eat my fingers though;)
Pretty good day today too.