L – Is For The Way You Look At Me

I found my mind wandering today. You see I’ve been dating a man for over 6 months now and we haven’t exchanged those three little words. I’m beginning to wonder where things are going and how he feels about me. I’m wondering how I feel about him. Years ago I would have said it by now or moved on. But I’ve grown older and don’t sling that word around anymore. I realize it’s different now. I realize I was immature and naive in my younger years. I’ve been married twice. I’ve been lucky, I guess. I’ve had not one but two men ask me to marry them. But that’s not counting Daniel who wanted to marry me but I broke up with him after not have met a friend or family member in almost one year. Ok, and no gift on Valentine’s Day. I took that all as he wasn’t serious and I wasn’t going to waste my time anymore. When he told me that he thought we’d have eventually gotten married I felt bad because I didn’t feel the same way. But I told him I loved him first. Prematurely, like usual.

You see, I kind of love everyone and it’s not unlike me to tell them I love them but now it’s weird, for lack of a better word. I don’t want to be the first one to say it. I don’t even know if he feels that strongly about me.

It’s nice knowing you’re loved, that someone cares about you. This is kind of bothering me now. I don’t know if I should bring up what we’re doing or just keep going.

I don’t need this added stress and worry. I worry enough about everything else:)


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