Past, Present

This wasn’t supposed to publish but I’ll finish it I guess. I saw a Snapchat blurb pop up today from a guy that pursued the hell out me a year ago. For the first time my heart didn’t jump.

He was married when he came to my house to install a door. He brought my trash can up, went to buy parts and came back with bourbon glasses for “a Christmas present for a single mom”. He added me to Snapchat. I figured it’d be harmless. He messaged me nearly every day for months. Checking on me, checking on the boys, checking on the door. He’d pass me and honk. And we passed each other a lot. I found out he was married a few days after he installed the door. Unhappy marriage, four boys. I told him I’d be a friend but never anything more. He’d vent about his wife and marriage. I listened. He’d go on and on about how great of a person I was and a great mom. Then one day it all stopped. He had left his wife, met a thin, pretty, young girl and moved in with her.

I wasn’t ever really sure just how bad his marriage was and if she was as bad as he said but I know he wasn’t always telling me the truth either. I didn’t poke or prod. I didn’t say anything about him leaving his wife, he was still seeing his kids. I was almost hurt he left his wife for someone else. He was always complimenting me. But I never gave in to what I thought he wanted and he moved on. He’d still check on the boys and I on occasion. But he mostly posted couples pics and pics of him, her and his boys. I found myself a little jealous of her. I couldn’t figure out why. I had considered him a good friend. He had actually come help me at my house when I needed a truck or something else fixed.

I think I was mostly hurt that he said I was so great all this time but I wasn’t good enough to leave his miserable marriage for. Granted, I didn’t want to wreck a marriage but it’s the same shit…you’re great, you’re a catch, you’re awesome…BUT…The but now is I am dating someone who knows I’m great. And he’s with me because of that. What a relief it was today to not get excited to see his name come up. I smiled at realizing it. I don’t know if he’s still with her. He wanted to see how I was doing. I’m not married but I’m happy, so fuck all those other guys;) I’m actually seeing the guy whose texts make my heart jump now.

One thought on “Past, Present

  1. Ya know, I’ve often heard therapists and those in the mental health issue say to people that leave a marriage: They need to focus on fixing themselves before entering another relationship. I would be lying, if I said I’ve lived a principled life and marriage, and I can assure anyone that there is nothing that can fix a marriage that exists outside that marriage. Now, I wouldn’t claim that staying in a marriage is worth the personal cost to either person, but I’m willing to bet that this guy you’re talking about will end up in another divorce – statistically 2nd marriages have a 71% failure rate. That’s extremely telling.

    But, I’m also glad you shared this, it’s insightful and meaningful, I’m sure to a lot of people. And thankfully, you do have someone to text that makes your heart jump! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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