Sober: Day 9
Treadmill: 30 minutes yesterday, today: unknown
Yesterday was a little difficult I’ll admit. I went to a friend’s house for a swimming function with my boys and there was drinking. It was my first time being around drinking since I’ve drank. I had to keep reminding myself, “Look, you won’t be driving with the boys after drinking. No chance of getting a DUI.” or “Look at the calories you’re not ingesting.” or “Be proud of yourself, you’re making the better choice.” Then the “At least you’re not embarrassing yourself by getting drunk.” Not that I would have drank that much with the boys anyway. But I even reapplied sunscreen, so I couldn’t say I was drinking and got burned. I also thought about my health. I don’t believe I told you all but while my bilirubin came back negative but my urobilinognen was elevated in my urinalysis. I haven’t met with my doctor yet but anyone can diagnose themselves with Dr. Google so I did. Actually, it’s an indication of liver function. I don’t know yet if it’s permanent or reversible. So at one time I reminded myself of my elevated level. I thought about how I was doing the healthier thing. And I’m not only doing this for me I’m doing this for the boys. So that the boys will have a sober mother.
Actually, a refreshing twist was one girl brought ingredients to make a mocktail. First of all, I was kind of relieved someone else there wasn’t drinking, for what reason I don’t know, but she fixed me one. It was actually nice. I had a red Solo cup. No one knew what was in it and it was a carbonated drink I could sip on that wasn’t a syrupy Coke or yet another bottle of water. I drink so much water now…
After leaving my friend’s house we stopped by my aunt’s. I was asked if I wanted a beer there. I declined. It’s hard. It’s definitely hard. It’s harder on a holiday weekend like Memorial Day.
Will this all keep me from going to functions where there is drinking in the future? I can’t say. Maybe I’ll start packing my own mocktail ingredients
Cut back on my iced mocha drink this morning and incorporated some green tea into my morning routine. That’s 100 extra calories I won’t be having to burn off today.
Small changes. One day at a time.
Before I make it another separate blog post I’d like to tell you all about an epiphany I had the other night while reading a book. Hillbilly Elegy by J.D. Vance started out a little slow and I had put it down months ago only to pick it back up last week. It’s about a Yale grad who grew up in Appalachia, raised mainly by his grandparents. I got to a chapter where he was in his teens and living with his mother who had a whole set of issues of her own. She lived with different husbands, making her children move with her each time. She at one point was drinking and partying, then taking prescriptions pills. Essentially not functioning and dragging her children along with her. Granted, I’ve never made the boys live with another man but that doesn’t mean I won’t. But I don’t want to be that mom. I don’t want to be a drunk mother the boys are embarrassed of. I don’t want to be a burden or a bother. It’s something else to think about and I thought I should recall it at least once when I’m wanting to drink and I thought of that yesterday. Don’t be that mom.
With so many reasons to not drink why should I drink just to feel good for a few hours? There are no benefits to drinking. There are so many reasons not to. God, just keep reminding me of them.
If this doesn’t make any sense I’m sorry it’s only taken me an hour to write this as I’ve had the boys distracting me the whole time but that’s my life.