Dear Diary,

I had a good day today. We spent a couple hours at the pool. Then we came home to get ready to meet my mother and brother at a pizza place I visited as a child.

We walk in, the railings my dad’s company made for it still stand in the entry way. I dreamed as a kid of being an adult like my parents going around when I was younger. I thought I’d grow up and meet my friends for pitchers of beer amid pizza at a place like this with my own children in tow.

I order the boys pink lemonade and I for a beer. We split a large pizza between us. The boys had fun at the quarter toy machines. They never put money in one before, I had to show them how. You see I don’t take them to places that have them often.

We eat, we have a good time, our boys run around. My brother and sister-in-law have one son together, her two older ones are away with their father. My mother has her 10 year old son (story for another time). We go to leave and I’m bringing up the rear. I’m about to open the door to leave when I see a man entering through another door. I recognize him. My high school boyfriend’s father. I say his first name. I don’t know if he’d remember me. He says my name. My mom and brother walk in and small talk is exchanged. My old boyfriend is returning from a family vacation in Florida right now.

I wonder. All kinds of prayers were said that I’d marry his son and we’d live happily ever after. He worshipped the ground I walked on. He treated me best than most men. What would have happened? How does he feel about me now? He’s married with children of his own. I’ve failed miserably in love and here I sit today. Practically all alone. I’ve got another man’s children here to raise alone.

It’s a weird feeling having moved back and experiencing these feelings. Thinking about these things.

I’m about to call it quits on the dating websites. However, I have one I was talking to before I moved here. He’s wanting to hear my voice again. I’ll meet him soon. I owe him that.

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