Day 900057

OMG. I’m irritable and bitchy. I drank a lot for relaxation. I’m very emotional too. Of course, this could be PMS. My memory sucks. It’s gotten worse. I had to read aloud in AA the other day and I was stuttering all over the place. It was embarrassing. I’ve noticed this happening at home when reading aloud to the boys too lately. It’s beginning to worry me.

I gave my boss the stink eye today when he asked me to do something right before I was supposed to be leaving work. He noticed. I turned the wrong way leaving a church picnic tonight and two cops were not happy with me.

The guy I’m supposed to go on a date with tomorrow night suggested 2 chain restaurants. I don’t want to eat at chain restaurants. I like unique and local. I feel like a snob and I’m being judgmental.

I’m ready to be over the heartache. He’s not missing me or caring about me anymore, I shouldn’t be either. I can’t figure out why I can’t convince myself to get over him.

I blew my diet today and finally felt satisfied. I had a candy bar at work because my blood sugar was low and I was shaking and sweating, my stomach was growling and hurting even after having finished a 300 calorie frozen dinner.

In the back of my head I’m always hoping and always think that out of all the pain I’ve been through and the hurt something great is going to happen to me. Like my hopeless romantic dreams will come true. Everything I’ve ever wished for will happen. And we’ll all live happily ever after.

The more dumbasses I talk to the more discouraged I become. The more time spent alone the more alone I feel.

The poor boys are feeling the brunt of my bitchiness. I feel bad for them.

There’s been a string of abduction attempts in the big city next to us. It’s scaring me that no matter how many times I tell the boys about stranger danger I can’t help think they’d get in a car with someone. It scares the shit out of me and gives me something else to worry about.

I need to get over myself and all this shit. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of being broke. I’m tired of being in debt. I’m tired of not doing anything at work. I’m tired of fucking complaining. I bet you all are too. If you even read this far.

We came home tonight and Bentley had a very loose bowel movement on my floor in the house. That was just the cherry on top.

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