I met with my counselor today and we talked about you all, lol. We talked about my blogging. My bed to be liked, literally. My problem with instant gratification. She put it nicely, intellectually I’m all there, emotionally I’m not. Haha. I throw emotional tantrums when I feel invisible. And I’ll either love you or hate you. I don’t enjoy anything in the moment. I’m either thinking of what actually was good in the past (hindsight) or I’m thinking of my future. I’ve been looking for someone to rescue me when I need to learn to rescue myself.
If I don’t get my way or see results immediately I quit or give up.
She’s making me do Dialectical Behavior Therapy.
I told her about Adam. I told her about my unhappiness with my job. I need to be happy I’m surviving. I pushed Adam away. I alienate friends, family.
I’m thinking this is a good time to take a break from blogging. I’ll still write but maybe it’ll be a short story or the start of a book.
I’ll give myself a month. I’ll miss you all and will be reading other blogs.
I want so badly to text Adam I’m sorry and to tell him I know what a mess I am/was. I won’t. I’m sure he’s moved on and doesn’t think about me. I should no longer concern myself with thoughts of him. All I’m doing is second guessing my worth everytime I do anyway. I need to work on that too.
So adios for now friends! I’ll catch y’all on the flip side:)