Break-Off

So I’m back. I’ve had too much to happen to not update you all on my journey.

I drank Sunday. I felt in control. I wanted a margarita with my Mexican dinner. I didn’t even finish it! It helped that I was on a date with a state trooper who, himself, doesn’t drink. Monday, another date, uh, if they’re not showing their teeth in their pics don’t date them. His teeth were jacked up. His breath even had that rotting teeth smell. He asked me he had teeth because I hooked about the pics. He just failed to mention the condition of boss teeth.

So I drank for release there. He brought up my exboyfriend. I fought back tears. It was really hard.

Tuesday I felt I could handle things at home and bought a six pack. I drank 4. I drank the other 2 last night before meeting the state trooper again. I had three more at dinner.

I called my aunt on the day home and lied about how many I drank last night. She said I was hurting my children and I’ve already ruined one relationship. Although he said my drinking had nothing to do with it. She suggests I try staying sober for a year.

I just love being called a bad mom and a failure. This makes sober living so much easier.

I don’t know why I drank in the first place. I’ve got so much support from my family.

Note the sarcasm.

I text my sponsor. She returned my text within an hour. I was surprised. We’re meeting at a meeting tomorrow night.

I want to say fuck everyone but I won’t. Although I just did.

I want to admit that quitting drinking wasn’t as hard as everyone at AA made it seem. I wasn’t struggling daily.

I felt guilty going to the meetings because of that. If anything I want to quit because I can’t afford it and want to lose weight. I didn’t start drinking Sunday because I was sad or having a bad day. I wanted one with my chips and Chuy’s jalapeno dip. I wanted to relax on a date. My aunt was shocked the state trooper let me drive home after drinking three beers in front of him. She said she wouldn’t have been able to drive. I’m 160 lbs not 90 like her. I had have a medium pepperoni pizza and drank water and had the beers over 2.5 hours. Granted I’m justifying my drinking. But I don’t see what the big deal is. I, typically, don’t drink everyday. I don’t get drunk every weekend. What the fuck am I hurting?

State trooper lives 2.5 hours away. He’s only in town working security at the fair.

I’m just really annoyed right now. Anyone else have any experience with this?

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