Tonight

I had maybe 7 beers since 3. I’m not drunk. Not even buzzed. How can I be an alcoholic? Only two people have accused me of being one. One is myself and the other lives in California and I’ve seen her twice in three years.

My father was an alcoholic. I want around a “normal” drinker. I don’t think I know what it is to be a normal drinker. Maybe I’ve been one all along. Two friends, one of whom isn’t around much thought I might drink too much. They didn’t say anything else. And that’s only when I’ve asked. They didn’t just hand over this info. I asked.

I told my aunt in CA the other day that Jake told a kid at school that he wasn’t going to be his friend anymore. She told me my son was bullying the other child. I’m raising a bully. And I’m an alcoholic. I’m functioning right now. Maybe I’m listening to the wrong people.

Maybe I just want to live my life the way that makes me happy.

My blood and urine tests all came back fine. I’m not killing myself. I’m not drinking and driving my kids around. Who am I hurting?

If I had the money I’d live my life the way I want to. I’d have a beautiful tattoo and fake eyelashes and gorgeous red hair. But I’m living my life in fear of what one woman across the country will think of me and how I’ll be perceived by a handful of others. It’s starting to piss me off.

One thought on “Tonight

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