The cops just left. Someone was banging on my sliding glass door. I mustered up enough courage to look and saw nothing. I called the cops. They check things out. Nothing. Then my neighbor texts me. The same thing happened to her two hours ago.

I’m so exhausted. I’ve worked 20 days. I haven’t had a break. I’m lonely. I’m scared. I’m missing my dad.

I’m still so hurt from my May breakup. I’m so tired. I’m so alone. I’m tired of weighing what I do. I’m tired of feeling inadequate when my ex boyfriend used to tell me I was beautiful and sexy but then he left me. I can’t trust anyone because even someone that said he liked me deceived me.

Now I’m to worry about people breaking into my house.

He doesn’t care anymore. I don’t think he did for a while before he dumped me.

I often wonder if I’d talk to him if I saw him. I know it’ll never happen though. Our paths won’t cross. He’ll never call or text me to apologize for hurting me. For deceiving me.

I just replay all the things he said to me and I have to accept they were all lies. And I have to accept the fact that I’ll find better and he lost me. I was devoted, committed, faithful and his and he lost me.

If I said I hope he never gets cheated on again or lied to again I might be lying. I’d like to say I hope one day he thinks about what a good thing he lost but he probably thinks he dodged a bullet. I’ll find someone. I’ll be devoted, committed and faithful to someone who appreciates me and really loves me. And they won’t be a coward and dump me over the phone after 6 months when I’ve been drinking. He’ll regret it. If he has even a little bit of conscious he’d feel guilty for hurting me. One day, I hope he regrets it.

I’ll never get an apology from him. He’s too prideful. He would never admit a mistake or apologize for being wrong. Never.