Handsome Pants

I want an apology. I want an “I’m sorry for dating you for over 6 months and breaking up with you over the phone”. I’m sorry got continuing to sleep with you when I no longer had feelings for you. I’m sorry I cheated on you. I have proof, want to know, call me, we’ll chat. I’m sorry for saying you were the biggest person you ever dated then dumped. For lying to me. Got saying I was a catch then dumping me. I just want an apology so I can move the fuck on.

I won’t even tell you about what a piece of shit you are. I won’t mention that I wish I’d never met you. I won’t mention that my kids ask about you. That I want my door fixed. That I want all the things you’d mentioned you’d do for me done like painting the trim, fixing my floor, digging up roots in my yard. I want all of those nearly 7 months back so I can give them to someone who really cares about me because clearly you didn’t.

So fuck you and everything about you.

Sober as fuck right now. Bitter as hell.

This Weekend

I was terribly lazy this weekend. I liked working and I no longer have that socialization or confidence of more income.

I feel like trash because of my mother’s story.

I’m still hurt as much as I want to get past him breaking up with me I don’t feel closure. Enough time has passed. Why am I still clinging to this? I’d message him everything I’ve told you. And also my theory that he cheated on me. Why wasn’t I good enough? What was wrong with me?

I’m in charge of a 6 office move tomorrow. My boss’s first project for me. I’m nervous. My anxiety is heightened.

I want to be over him. I want a second job with more money. Jackson’s dental procedure last month is costing me an additional $1700 for anesthesia. I don’t know what I’m going to do.