Up For Renewal

So, my WordPress blog link is up for renewal. That’s like $100. But I owe 4k is medical bills and our Homeowner’s Association fees are due and I’m not sure if I’m impacting anyone’s lives and should continue this. I really, really the venting and the feeling that I’m helping some of you. But I just wanted to let you know in case you don’t hear from me again. I love you all. I had to quit my previous blog and it killed me. Like, true tears and my exboyfriend had to hold me to console me.

We’ll see.

January 22

Hi all!

I haven’t been writing because I haven’t been doing my kettlebell swings. I’m still in pain. I guess I did more than bruise my tailbone.

I did start Weight Watchers. I lost 3 lbs the first week (mind you my loss of alcohol is really helping) but then I went and drank and had pizza and birthday cake this weekend and chalked it up to a cheat weekend and gained 2 lbs. Back on the point system once again.

Went on a date last weekend and thought it went well but then he stopped texting me Saturday. I let him be. Then he texts me Sunday apologizing. I said ok. He texted me again when I was asleep and then wanted to know if I was ignoring him and I said no I had been watching football and sleeping and never heard back from him again. He loved my sense of humor, thought I deserved a sitcom with my life the way it is, my mouth the way it is then he drops me. He evidently has an issue or isn’t over his ex yet like he said. So, I’m still picking assholes. Nothing’s changed.

I could have had another date tonight like he promised and I could have been 5 lbs. down now instead of up 2.

Nope. Nothing’s changed.

January 13

I painted my living room today and installed under cabinet lighting in my kitchen. Sobriety is expensive. I still managed to do a shit painting even though I want drinking.

Weighted myself this morning. Down a pound:) Started under my points today. Went to church. Now I’m just wondering why I’m alone. I’m wondering how to be ok being alone. What does it take? Why can’t I be happy alone? What the fuck is wrong with me?

My butt is getting better. I’m going to try working out tomorrow. Probably not kettlebell swings but something lighter.

Have a good night all, I’m sleepy.

January 12

My butt’s still hurting, no workouts. Managed to stay within my WW points today. I feel less bloated for sure. I’m still fat though, lol.

I sold a purse I used once upon a time and I spent the money at Pier 1 on Valentine’s Day decorations and candles.

The boys and I loved having Christmas decorations up so much I thought I’d decorate for every holiday. (Within reason.)

It snowed today. I had to make the boys wait till the sun came up before going outside. They loved it. It helped pretty fast though.

I’m taking a candlelight Epsom salt bath right now. I’ve got my brightening face mask on. Can I be honest? I haven’t showered since Thursday. It’s Saturday. I’m getting real tired of doing the same damn thing every day. I also like to sleep so it’s hard getting up.

We’re supposed to go to church tomorrow. I had to fill out the dreaded first time visitor card last week. We went shopping after church last week. There was a bag and newsletter on my door knob by the time we got home, a keychain flashlight. Monday I got an email thanking us for visiting. Thursday I got a handwritten thank you note from a church member. Is that a little excessive? I don’t want to be smothered. I also don’t want to be noticed for missing a Sunday either. I told a woman there last week I’d go to their Sunday school class. Guess I’ll do that shit tomorrow.

I’m doing good not thinking about him. I push the thoughts away when they enter my mind and think of something else. But even as I sit here a song plays and reminds me of him. Still stings.

I went on another date Thursday. Did I tell you all? The guy that tried sucking my lips off and tongue out? Omg. Awful.

I’m thinking of definitely getting off Tinder until I’m thin and over him. I’ll stay on eharmony. I think guys are genuinely looking to date there.

I just want someone to talk to and hang out with. I’m making friends on Tinder though. I guess that’s good. One guy lives kinda close and the other lives in Illinois. Sigh. I’m a terrific penpal.

January 11

They’re calling for snow tomorrow. I went to the grocery store for milk, eggs and bread like everyone else. But for the first time I didn’t buy beer. The thought of being cooped up in the house without beer doesn’t bother me.

I kept up with the Weight Watchers thing today. Didn’t do any exercises, my tailbone is still painful.

Probably taking a dog to the vet tomorrow for an eye infection.

We’ll see what tomorrow brings.