Ok, so this eating whatever I want thing isn’t going well. I scarfed down a salad last night for dinner and another for lunch. I realized I haven’t been eating vegetables and fruits and it’s beginning to make my stomach hurt and just making me feel gross to be honest. This lifestyle is not healthy but so common. I feel the need to brush my teeth 10 times a day. I’m not actually doing it though. Next week’s trip to the grocery is definitely going to yield different results.

I’m also reading a lot about the connection of a healthy thyroid, Hashimoto’s Disease (which I have) and a gluten free diet. I’ve been eating a lot of carbs and wheats, malts and pasta lately. Maybe I switch things up. After all, what could it hurt?

I also feel the need to tell you all about my drinking. I’m drinking only a couple times a week. I had one beer tonight fixing dinner. That’s it. I had a few Friday and Saturday. I frankly can’t afford to drink and haven’t wanted to. I don’t even get that great a buzz off a few beers and I don’t want to buy bourbon. I’ve been buying red wine to drink while fixing dinner during the week. It’s not been bad but drinking isn’t masking anything for me anymore. I’m not terribly depressed or sad anymore. I’m not unhappy with my job. I just haven’t wanted to drink. I sure as hell don’t want a hangover.

This Weekend

I was terribly lazy this weekend. I liked working and I no longer have that socialization or confidence of more income.

I feel like trash because of my mother’s story.

I’m still hurt as much as I want to get past him breaking up with me I don’t feel closure. Enough time has passed. Why am I still clinging to this? I’d message him everything I’ve told you. And also my theory that he cheated on me. Why wasn’t I good enough? What was wrong with me?

I’m in charge of a 6 office move tomorrow. My boss’s first project for me. I’m nervous. My anxiety is heightened.

I want to be over him. I want a second job with more money. Jackson’s dental procedure last month is costing me an additional $1700 for anesthesia. I don’t know what I’m going to do.