January 13

I painted my living room today and installed under cabinet lighting in my kitchen. Sobriety is expensive. I still managed to do a shit painting even though I want drinking.

Weighted myself this morning. Down a pound:) Started under my points today. Went to church. Now I’m just wondering why I’m alone. I’m wondering how to be ok being alone. What does it take? Why can’t I be happy alone? What the fuck is wrong with me?

My butt is getting better. I’m going to try working out tomorrow. Probably not kettlebell swings but something lighter.

Have a good night all, I’m sleepy.

January 12

My butt’s still hurting, no workouts. Managed to stay within my WW points today. I feel less bloated for sure. I’m still fat though, lol.

I sold a purse I used once upon a time and I spent the money at Pier 1 on Valentine’s Day decorations and candles.

The boys and I loved having Christmas decorations up so much I thought I’d decorate for every holiday. (Within reason.)

It snowed today. I had to make the boys wait till the sun came up before going outside. They loved it. It helped pretty fast though.

I’m taking a candlelight Epsom salt bath right now. I’ve got my brightening face mask on. Can I be honest? I haven’t showered since Thursday. It’s Saturday. I’m getting real tired of doing the same damn thing every day. I also like to sleep so it’s hard getting up.

We’re supposed to go to church tomorrow. I had to fill out the dreaded first time visitor card last week. We went shopping after church last week. There was a bag and newsletter on my door knob by the time we got home, a keychain flashlight. Monday I got an email thanking us for visiting. Thursday I got a handwritten thank you note from a church member. Is that a little excessive? I don’t want to be smothered. I also don’t want to be noticed for missing a Sunday either. I told a woman there last week I’d go to their Sunday school class. Guess I’ll do that shit tomorrow.

I’m doing good not thinking about him. I push the thoughts away when they enter my mind and think of something else. But even as I sit here a song plays and reminds me of him. Still stings.

I went on another date Thursday. Did I tell you all? The guy that tried sucking my lips off and tongue out? Omg. Awful.

I’m thinking of definitely getting off Tinder until I’m thin and over him. I’ll stay on eharmony. I think guys are genuinely looking to date there.

I just want someone to talk to and hang out with. I’m making friends on Tinder though. I guess that’s good. One guy lives kinda close and the other lives in Illinois. Sigh. I’m a terrific penpal.

January 11

They’re calling for snow tomorrow. I went to the grocery store for milk, eggs and bread like everyone else. But for the first time I didn’t buy beer. The thought of being cooped up in the house without beer doesn’t bother me.

I kept up with the Weight Watchers thing today. Didn’t do any exercises, my tailbone is still painful.

Probably taking a dog to the vet tomorrow for an eye infection.

We’ll see what tomorrow brings.

January 10

Welp, I did it. I bruised my tailbone or something. I can sit but not walk well or bend. So, I tried and I couldn’t do a swing today. Ironically, I had to see my doctor today and he said give it a week to feel better. I guess I’ll pick up where I left off when I feel better.

I did do a few pushups. And I started Weight Watchers. I’m already over my points for today. But I’ll try harder tomorrow.

I’ll let y’all know how it goes.

January 8

150 kettlebell swings. I split it up into 2 sessions today. I actually set 2 alarms for 5 this morning. I rolled out of bed around 520. Toy know, you gotta lay in bed and look at your phone before doing anything. But and I’m not proud of this I put a post it note over my phone that read “Remember you’re fat” so I’d have to remove it to turn it off. Kinda worked. I got in 75 kettlebell swings and 20 minutes on the treadmill.

So I have over 5 years as being an executive assistant. I took this job as an administrative assistant after a sabbatical I had to take after quitting my last job. I worked from a guy’s basement and he would say, “Are you all making me any money?” Every time I or a coworker talked. (There were 4 of us in the dungeon.) I took the job to get out of a job I had to walk 4 blocks to, worked for a guy who had just been demoted and was assigned a failing project. I hated it and if there’s anything I’ve learned about my dad and exhusband died in their 40s is life is too short to be miserable, within reason.

But I took at 17K pay cut. And a demotion just to pay the bills. But I’ve become a facilities manager and a space planner, unwillingly. Not fun. Not something I enjoy or wanted to do. But I had a chick I was moving some guys in for her. Well, unbeknownst to me one office was a contractor’s office when he was in a few times a month. The computer was switched. The guy couldn’t work. The new guy needed a new office. Found one, IT fixed the computer, no problem. My boss knew about it, nothing was said. It happens. She went and told her mom who approached me this afternoon and said, “I heard there was a problem yesterday with a move.” She told her mother. Who does that? As an adult. Pissed me off.

Jury duty tomorrow. Fun.